Sunday, 14 September 2014

Sam Sunday #59: Twelve Weeks Later



In some ways, it's strange to think that Giles is twelve weeks old today.  Like any set of first-time parents, we didn't really know what was about to hit us!  I love being a Mum and I love watching him learn new things - how to smile, laugh, grasp things with his hand, coo and recognise the people around him.  I love his chubby little wrists and how he smiles at me every single morning when he wakes up.  I love his dimples, how he is always wriggling and how he strokes my arm when I cuddle him.  Being a parent has changed me, and made me more open to other people, but it's so hard too.  I see many posts about how amazing being a parent is, and it truly, honestly is, but it's rarer to see people acknowledging just how difficult it is too. And I want to be able to be honest about my experiences.

One thing that has made it hard for me is that I'm still recovering from his birth.  I know I mentioned it a little bit on here, but I really did have a traumatic experience.  It's not an exaggeration at all to say that without immediate medical assistance after he was born, I might not be here today.  I was expecting the pain of contractions, and they were pretty awful (the epidural was amazing), but I wasn't expecting to have so much difficulty when it got to the pushing stage.  I'm petite, Giles was a big baby, and he twisted and got stuck on the way out.  Having the epistemology and forceps was horrible, but the worst part was the blood loss after.  I had two internal fourth degree tears and I quickly lost over half of the blood in my body.  I remember feeling cold, ill, vomiting, dropping in and out of consciousness and not much else.  Every time I came to, there were a lot of doctors around me - they had to perform surgery in the labour ward as it would have been too dangerous to move me,,and I had to have multiple blood transfusions. It was so scary and it's been a difficult recovery. I'm just getting to the stage now where I feel fine most of the time.

It's been such a big adjustment, becoming a parent.  Before, I was used to a busy working life that often spilled into my own personal time.  When I wasn't working, I had the freedom to do as I pleased.  Now I am much less busy, but only get snatches of time to myself during the day, and I use my brain a lot less!  It can be difficult to be on your own with a baby for twelve hours at a stretch.  I love him more than anything, but when he's particularly refluxy and won't settle, and won't let me put him down at all, it's tough, and can be lonely too.  Thankfully we seemed to have turned a corner with his reflux in the last week, as he's much more content and will actually let me put him down for his naps now, meaning I do get little breaks in the day.  This makes a massive difference.

I've still got about three months of maternity leave left, and I'm intending to make the most of them. Once I go back to work, and life becomes super busy again, I'm going to miss this time, the days when I get to do nothing but cuddle him, play with him and go for walks in the sun to look at the trees.

26 comments:

  1. I do hope you feel better soon.baby is lovely.

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  2. Oh gosh, he is a bundle of pure gorgeousness. :-)

    I'm so sorry to hear you had such a traumatic delivery though. Give yourself the time you need for a full recovery. It's not a race. :-)

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    1. I'm biased, but I agree he is a bundle of gorgeousness!
      Thankfully I am otherwise strong & healthy, so I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon.

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  3. It is so hard Sam, I remember feeling similarly after I had Benji. Nobody tells you how hard it will be and it can be difficult to cope with. Glad you're enjoying it as well though and feeling better, delivery sounds horribly traumatic-i had third degree tears both times and they were bad enough! I'm always here if you want to chat, just tweet me or email :-)

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    1. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I'm lucky in that our families are close and very keen to help as much as possible, which makes it that bit easier.

      Thank you for the lovely message, it made me smile :)

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  4. I'm so sorry that the labor was a trying and difficult experience. Not being a mother I can't imagine what you went through, and hope you are able to recover day-by-day. He looks like such a sweet boy. Congratulations!

    You've been nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award. The graphic and info is at my blog, http://girlmeetscinema.blogspot.com/2014/09/one-lovely-blog-award.html. Since you're pretty busy these days, there is no rush and I understand if you can't fill it out. Just wanted to let you know how much I've always loved your blog. :)

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    1. Thanks Katy :)
      I really like the One Lovely Blog Award, as I enjoy reading all the facts people write about themselves.

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  5. Yes, being a mom is such a busy full-time job in itself and I wish people talked about it more often. People just don't seem to think being busy as a mom is the same (or rather more than same) as being busy with a full-time office job. It's crazy. I am glad that you are beginning to feel more like yourself. I hope you get more weeks when you are more fine, before you go back to work.

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    1. It's different from working but in a way more consuming as it's 24/7. I'm hoping that I won't find it too difficult to combine with my teaching job, thankfully I still have a while to go before I have to do that!

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  6. That baby Giles is so stinkin' cute!

    Goodness, I had no idea that kind of trauma that you suffered during childbirth. It sounds harrowing and I hope that you keep being kind to yourself until you feel fully recovered.

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    1. That he is :)
      I'm being as kind to myself as possible. It doesn't help that he already weighs as much as a six month old and just keeps getting bigger!

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  7. I'm so glad you have such a long maternity leave. That is so wonderful! It is a difficult transition.

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    1. Six months is actually quite a short leave here, we have it so lucky compared to the USA.

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  8. He is so cute, Sam, and I love his little smile. I can only imagine how difficult and strange it would be to transition into parenthood and it can't have been easy not feeling your best. I'm so glad that you are feeling more yourself these days.

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    1. I love his smile too :)
      It's been a tough transition, but I think we're both getting there now.

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  9. Being a parent is incredibly tough, and I imagine doubly so when you are having a recovery of your own - I obviously had a recovery period after my C-section and some complications, and that was tough so I can only imagine how hard times could be for you, and others who have had such a traumatic birth. Being a parent is also incredibly magical... It's a rollercoaster ride really! Haha!

    It's great that you are close to being back to general health, and that Giles is thriving! Enjoy all the time you have your little one before returning to work!
    :-)
    Bits & Bobs

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    1. C-section recovery is tough, I'm sorry you had complications too. And you're right that parenting is certainly a rollercoaster ride!

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  10. Oh, Sam, that sounds like such a difficult birth, and how scary for you and your family. I'm so glad that you're doing well now, and maybe getting past the roughest postpartum stages? I hope? I always think mothers are shockingly restrained not to complain constantly about new parenthood. Even with such a beautiful boy as you've got, it's a difficult transition!

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    1. I think it was very scary for my husband & Mum, as I was out of it for a lot of it! I think the worst is definitely behind me now :)

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  11. I really appreciate your honesty about the more difficult parts of early parenthood & the very scary facts about what happened with your delivery -- you are right that that side of the conversation is often missing. Whether you have kids or not, I think people know it is not easy, but with social media and the internet it seems to be really common to only hear about the good stuff from friends/acquaintances/etc. when you take a peek at Facebook or wherever. I'm sure sharing your experience will help a lot of people & I hope you are feeling more and more yourself every day.

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    1. Social media is like that for everything, I think. Everyone's life looks so perfect if you just judged them by their facebook/instagram etc, mine included!

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  12. What a cutie! Parenthood is hard and amazing, as you have discovered. Anyone who is only talking about the good is only showing half of the picture (or they are robots...).

    I hope both you and Giles are feeling wonderful and have so many amazing days together in the next three months.

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  13. I am sorry your childbirth experience was so traumatic and frightening. Little Giles is beautiful - enjoy every moment for the little ones grow up so quickly.

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    1. He is growing up so fast - it's hard to believe that he was a newborn just three months ago.

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